(no subject)

Jun. 27th, 2017 12:07 pm
sheafrotherdon: (Default)
[personal profile] sheafrotherdon
Today is PTSD Awareness Day! Do you have questions about PTSD that you've been afraid to ask? Wondered about stuff that you couldn't find an answer to online? Been curious about something? Feel free to ask me - I am so, so happy to talk about everything I know about PTSD. ♥

toothpicks and glue

Jun. 26th, 2017 11:30 pm
runpunkrun: combat boot, pizza, camo pants = punk  (Default)
[personal profile] runpunkrun
One of my closet doors has been messed up for a long time, and after years of it grinding along horribly and throwing metal shavings all over the place I finally got tired of it. So today my dad and I fixed it with—I swear to god—some glue and a couple of toothpicks. It's just such a dad move, as well as completely in character for him. Apparently it's a trick he learned from my mother's father. So I'm having a moment of belated father's day reflection.

And now my closet door actually slides in the track and I can reach the clothes on that side of my closet again! Thanks, Dad.

(no subject)

Jun. 26th, 2017 05:05 pm
sheafrotherdon: (Default)
[personal profile] sheafrotherdon
It's twenty years today since the first Harry Potter book was published. I didn't read it at the time - I entered around the time Azkaban came out - but it was a book destined to work change in my life and bring me into the world of fandom, from whence came this blog. I'm more irritated with than appreciative of JK Rowling of late, but HP got me through the end of grad school, cemented a variety of awesome friendships, and introduced me to this thing called fanfic.

So, in celebration of all that is good about HP, here's the very first piece of fanfic I ever wrote, a good 12.5 years ago now. Excuse purple prose and such - I was a newbie :D

[Bonfire Night], Remus/Sirius, G, ~1500 words.
Remus has toffee, and it's not the only thing that Sirius wants

(no subject)

Jun. 26th, 2017 09:15 pm
such_heights: amy deep in thought (who: amy [dust after rain])
[personal profile] such_heights
It occurs to me I've been on twitter a lot the last two months, but nowhere else. So - hi. Still here. Grieving, but here.

Comments disabled as I think I've had as much sympathy as I can handle (it's much appreciated, just A Lot sometimes).

<3

(no subject)

Jun. 26th, 2017 11:33 am
sheafrotherdon: (Default)
[personal profile] sheafrotherdon
Thank you a thousand times over to everyone who's bought me a cup of coffee. I'm especially touched by the single cup donations - you have no idea. And I'm working on my feelings of guilt and shame around this whole bankruptcy business. I'm turning things around in my mind piece by piece and I will absolutely get there, I promise.

I went to see my psychiatrist this morning. They had me pee in a cup to make sure I wasn't abusing Adderall, which is either a really smart policy choice or kind of invasive - I can't quite figure out how I feel about it. And then I was seen by the nurse, who had just stuck herself with a needle by accident and almost passed out because she hates needles (and yet is a nurse?). She asked me what are, apparently, some standard questions about how patients are doing, one of which asked me to say if I was partially recovered, almost recovered, or cured. "Are you kidding me?" was not an acceptable answer (though she was amused). The whole experience was so odd. Were there more options near me I think I'd be looking for a new one, but my friend G has been to the only other psychiatrist recommended in a 75-mile area, and he refused to prescribe on the first visit. Which again - perhaps a smart policy? But it left her without any ADHD meds and he had no openings on his calendar until the end of July.

*hands*

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

(no subject)

Jun. 25th, 2017 05:00 pm
sheafrotherdon: (Default)
[personal profile] sheafrotherdon
Sunday has been slow and pleasant. I went for a walk early, before most of the neighborhood was awake, and I did about 3000 steps. Talked to my mom - wow, the judicious editing that went on in that conversation, because I absolutely was not going to tell her about the bankruptcy - and to another friend, and then, bit by bit, tidied my house. I cleaned up the kitchen, did a whole bunch of laundry, and pulled together my clothes for my trip to Boston this week.

It's a lightning trip - the folks organizing my meeting have me arriving late on Wednesday night and leaving again Friday afternoon. Between times I am booked solid. I'm excited to be part of the stuff we'll be working on this week, but I wish I had more time to see the city, and to see friends (several of whom are on here). I'll be so near and yet so far.

I've spent a little time with the numbers from the bankruptcy today and it's going to be mighty close. I'm locked into contracts on my cell phone and cable/wifi. My car insurance is sky high, of course, because of the accident, and my initial looking around suggests I won't get better rates elsewhere with that on my record. The places I can economize most are going to be on utilities (using the a/c units as sparingly as possible), and food. I am lucky in many, many ways - I get to keep the house, I get to keep my stuff, and I can make cooking into a challenge so that I try to find the cheapest ways possible to eat well. (I know there are some great websites out there about this). There are positives here. But I'm also being realistic about the fact that it will be a long, hard slog.

One of the slogs will be getting from today to payday (which is Friday). I will be reimbursed all the expenses related to my trip, but that means I have to outlay them first, and I am broke. So please forgive this, but I'm sticking a little 'buy me a coffee' button on this post. It's through Kofi, which gives a person the ability to literally donate the cost of a coffee to someone else. I don't deserve support - god knows I have done this financial stuff to myself - but if you have a cup of coffee to spare, I would be so grateful.

And now I'm going to go resolutely not think about things and fold laundry.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

2176 / Orphan Black, 5.03

Jun. 25th, 2017 03:13 pm
siria: (Default)
[personal profile] siria
The lovely [tumblr.com profile] roboticonography drew some fanart to accompany my Steve/Peggy fic, if this is home. Yay!

In less yay news: don't be left in charge of ushering your cranky mother and equally cranky four-year-old niece through IKEA. It will all end in tears and reasonably priced bedding.

Orphan Black, 5.03, Beneath Her Heart )

(no subject)

Jun. 25th, 2017 07:24 am
sheafrotherdon: (Default)
[personal profile] sheafrotherdon
Yesterday was a good day - a lovely respite from the week. In the morning I took coffee over to my friends who had been holding a yard sale since 6.30am, and then hung out with them until the yard sale was over. (Another friend bought me a rocking chair at said yard sale - it's the chair in which we all rocked my friend's children when they were babies. Awwww.) Then I took two of the assembled friends' kids to an open art morning at the new local art collective, and I ended up painting something myself. Someone had painted a canvas and didn't like the end result, so I painted over it with all kinds of geometric shapes. Here's what it looked like part-way through:

art I made

I had no idea what I was doing, but it was super calming and fun and the kids had a blast. I got to bring the painting home, so now it's on the wall on my stairs. Yay!

In the afternoon I went for a walk around the local lake with another friend. It was a gorgeous day - 74F and breezy, which made walking an absolute joy. We had lemonade afterwards at the coffeeshop, then we picked up her husband from the train station and I dropped them both back at home. I joined my yard-sale friend and her kids for dinner, and then finished out the day with some Tiny House Nation (the best!) and an early night.

As I lay in bed I found myself trying to do an accounting of where I hadn't been at my best that day - where I was thoughtless or short-tempered or . . . you get the idea. And I realized - this is a hold over from the merciless church I was raised within, which taught us that we had to mentally list our sins every night and pray for forgiveness or we'd go to hell if we died in our sleep. (And you couldn't review what you had done that was good, because that would lead to the sin of pride, ergo . . . )

Wow.

What a soul-sucking habit! I've been doing this review of the day in my head for years, but only just realized where it's rooted. So I set my mind on a different course with love, and marveled again that I am as functional as I am given the particular circumstances of my childhood. Yikes.

I don't know what today brings, save a hope to go outside a bunch since it's again a beautiful day. Have lovely Sundays, everyone (or Monday if you're already there!)

(no subject)

Jun. 23rd, 2017 03:00 pm
sheafrotherdon: (Default)
[personal profile] sheafrotherdon
The deed is done. I filed for bankruptcy, and my court hearing is on August 4 at 9am.

(no subject)

Jun. 22nd, 2017 11:13 am
sheafrotherdon: (Default)
[personal profile] sheafrotherdon
This has been a tough week. There were the brain shennanigans that colored the early part of the week. Then yesterday I had to do bankruptcy counseling online, a process that asked me to painstakingly enter all my credit card debt, loans, and expenses (which took 45 minutes), and then go over it all again with a credit counselor in online chat (an hour). (This is the . . . third time I've provided this information to someone? Ugh.) This produced a certificate which I sent to my lawyer and allows him to file, so tomorrow I drive an hour to his office to sign off on everything. I don't know what this means in practical terms and it's making me anxious - and that's on top of the regular anxiety I feel around money at all times. Wow, am I tired.

Then, this morning, my company announced a position that I would be really good at, and which would be a promotion, and I'm trying to figure out whether I apply or not. The biggest downside would be the lack of flexibility I would have with my hours if I got it, and I'm not sure that's negotiable. I think that's contributing to my overall state of mind - it's a great opportunity, but I'm really not sure that I can do it and have PTSD at the same time. (I feel like Josh Lyman. Where's my Leo McGarry?)

It's also hot, and my house doesn't have central air, which makes doing the tidying, cleaning, and laundry that would make my house feel like a refuge very hard to accomplish. Yikes-a-mighty, I need a brain transplant. Or lacking that, the equivalent of a caffeine jolt to the brain - something that makes it feel energized and sharp. Right now it's very sluggish. Poor brain. Needs a vacation.

Compassion on the Inside

Jun. 21st, 2017 11:52 am
sheafrotherdon: (Default)
[personal profile] sheafrotherdon
After feeling jetlagged all weekend, I went to work on Monday, did a ferocious amount of cleaning out my inbox, and decided it was time to adult and make appointments for all the medical stuff I needed to get checked. So I made appointments with my therapist, psychiatrist, dentist, dermatologist, primary care physician, and eye doctor. And promptly crashed into depression right afterwards.

I went to therapy yesterday and said, this is so weird – I know the moment it hit, but I can’t figure out why it would hit like this. What’s this about? So we did EMDR because on the surface none of it was adding up.

Here’s what I figured out.Read more... )

(no subject)

Jun. 19th, 2017 07:57 am
sheafrotherdon: (Default)
[personal profile] sheafrotherdon
This song has been on my mind all morning: the stirring answer to the question "do you know who you are?"; the support of the ancestors who have gone before us; the idea of being part of a chorus of voices, even if we cannot see everyone else who surrounds us. Take a few moments to watch and listen, maybe.

2175 / Fic - Wonder Woman

Jun. 18th, 2017 10:16 pm
siria: (wonder woman)
[personal profile] siria
oiorpata
Wonder Woman | ~1000 words | Antiope(/Melanippe), Hippolyta | Thanks to [personal profile] sheafrotherdon for reading this over.

(Also on AO3)

Their first day on Themyscira, they buried their dead. )

2174 / Orphan Black, 5.02

Jun. 18th, 2017 10:09 pm
siria: (Default)
[personal profile] siria
I'm back from a nice few days in Amsterdam, where the weather was ideal, the strolls along the canal beautiful, and my feet ached from the number of kilometres I racked up every day. If you're at all museum-minded on a visit to the city, I can heartily recommend the Museumkaart—I paid €60 and racked up easily twice that amount in admission fees. Negative recommendation for the Van Gogh Museum (too overcrowded, impossible to actually look at anything), thumbs up for the Museum of Our Lord in the Attic, the medieval section of the Rijksmuseum, the Portuguese Synagogue, and the Tropenmuseum.



Flowers in the Begijnhof; interior of the Oude Kerk; the most Extra fireplace I have ever seen (at the Rijksmuseum); canals.


And then back to Ireland, where I showed up two weeks earlier than my parents anticipated. Surprise! Dad actually had to make my Mam a mug of tea with a dash of brandy. Whoops?

Orphan Black, 5.02, Clutch of Greed )

Walk this path into the desert

Jun. 18th, 2017 10:19 am
monanotlisa: AtS's Fred, reading a book, in olive-green soft coloring (fred - ats)
[personal profile] monanotlisa
Still haven't consumed any media, my friends -- well, no television, to my chagrin. On my to-view list?

Past and ongoing tv seasons:
  • Agents of SHIELD, S4 Finale
  • Underground S2's last few episodes (in careful increments and with bated breath)
  • iZombie S3 from 3x07
  • The 100's rest of the season
  • The Expanse (after I've recovered from the travesty of Julie Mao


New tv seasons:
  • Wynonna Earp, S2
  • Orphan Black
  • Dark Matter S3 (because mmh, Portia Lin)


Word-based media that I have consumed or am consuming, mostly on the fly, i.e. in planes, trains, and automobiles:
  • Seanan McGuire's InCryptid series -- I'm done with "Discount Armageddon" and am in the epilogue of "Midnight Blue-Light Special". I like it, but it's a let-down after the Rivers of London series)
  • The Book Smugglers' Quarterly Almanac (Speculative Fiction as such plus meta on it)
  • Nancy Isenberg's "White Trash", a must-read book

Justice on the inside.

Jun. 17th, 2017 02:07 pm
sheafrotherdon: (Default)
[personal profile] sheafrotherdon
Yesterday, I attended a workshop led by [Dr. Shakti Butler] a social justice educator and filmmaker who is absolutely luminous. She’s one of those people who is so spiritually grounded that you want to just stand around and drink in their presence, as if you’re perpetually thirsty (and I think I am, on some level). I learned so much from her, and considering Trump and Cosby and the verdict in the Philando Castile case, I wanted to share some of what she said.

”More.” )

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