Fic: Sun (PG-13)

[unamaga]

So, you guys may have noticed, from yesterday, that I'm trying a little something different with my writing. I've always been really dialogue-action oriented in my writing and it got to be annoying, in my opinion, not being able to pin down the characters right or get in their heads good and deep. So, um, these next few days, I'm gonna be doing sort of sketchy bits to try and do something with my whole - thing. Process-y thing. You know. This one in particular was written with Kim in mind, so it's a little less fluffy than my normal.

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Jared watches Jensen move, watches the way his hips roll when he walks, the curvature of his spine when he bends back and splays his legs open. He memorizes the lines of Jensen’s body, knows every mole and dipping imperfection like he knows his own name or the way the sun burns his eyes when he stares for too long.

And that’s a good likening, he knows it. Jensen hurts to look at sometimes with how fiercely bright he is – if Jared keeps his eyes on one part of Jensen’s body for too long, there are purple after-images on the insides of his eyelids as soon as he blinks.

(Man, look at me, Jensen says. Look me in the fucking eye when you’re talking to me. Jared chokes on his own tongue and thinks, I can’t. It hurts.)

When Jared was little, his momma would yell at him, tell him his eyes weren’t gonna thank him for squinting up at the sky all day, what do you think you’re doing, boy? And Jared would wave her off, because he just wanted to know what the sun looked like – really looked like. You couldn’t tell with all the light it put off, but Jared bet it was beautiful.

In the sixth grade, his science class rigged up a box with mirrors in it and a hole on one side. They took it out on the football field and when it was Jared’s turn to peek through the hole, he saw the sun, and it was bright as anything, but Jared’s head didn’t pound and his eyes didn’t squint too much. It was painless, a revelation.

(I need a fucking filter to look at you through, Jared slurs, drunk. Jensen tilts his head, takes a sip of his beer. Yeah, he says slowly, I guess you would.)

But the thing is, Jared, he. He can’t make himself look away long enough to work the mirrors.