dean winchester is all about the benjamins, baby

[unamaga]

la_folle_allure and I are kind of a scary thing when we get together. The first night we met, a fairy tale au epic was spat forth - incredibly cracky and possibly scarring. Tonight, we are proud to present a conversation in which Dean is black. Kate also has it posted in her journal over here, but I really, really wanted to inflict it upon my own flist, SO.



la_folle_allure: okay, on february 4th, i said this:
la_folle_allure: John: Oh yeah, the thing that killed Mary? It's really Sam's future self (or something along those lines).
Dean: Say what now?!
John: Yeah, sorry kid, you gotta pop a cap in Sam's ass. Oh and, you're also NOT related in any way shape or form. Oh yeah! And you're the only one that can kill Sam.
Dean: :O
unamaga: Hahahahahahah
unamaga: i would pay money to hear that dialogue on the show
unamaga: pop a cap in sam's ass
la_folle_allure: and:
la_folle_allure: Supernatural will essentially turn into a brother vs. brother battle of epic proportions.
unamaga: i think that would be sexy.
la_folle_allure: dude, dean is SO black
unamaga: ...is he?
la_folle_allure: oh dude, he and gordon so like, talked about growing up in the HOOD and shit like that
unamaga: HAHAHAH
la_folle_allure: you KNOW dean was that white boy that hung out with the black crew and was NEVER made fun of
unamaga: "yeah, man, look at this grill, i am so bangin'."
la_folle_allure: and john slapped him across the face and made him melt all his bling into bullets
unamaga: HAHAH
la_folle_allure: fuck, i bet dean spent YEARS hunting the demon that killed tupak and biggie
unamaga: and like one time he popped by fifty cent's crib to make sure he wasn't a zombie, right? nine fucking shots in the face man, dean totally had a reason. but, anyway, he stopped by and fifty was all 'YO, hommie, how you doin? sweet ride, want a joint?' and then dean sort of got sidetracked.
la_folle_allure: DUDE!
la_folle_allure: and dean is so up with the ho's in different area codes
unamaga: he has bitches all over america that scream his name
la_folle_allure: WERD!
la_folle_allure: and i bet he has hydraulics on the impala
la_folle_allure: YOU KNOW HE DOES
unamaga: HE DOES
la_folle_allure: and the fucking RIMS
unamaga: and his rims are platinum
unamaga: !!!
unamaga: yes
la_folle_allure: he pimped out his ride dude
unamaga: when sam's not looking, there's a pool in the back of the impala filled with champagne and hot babes
la_folle_allure: holy christ, i can SO SEE dean in a baby blue phat farm track suit
unamaga: *dies*
la_folle_allure: DUH
la_folle_allure: sammy is just TOO WHITE to see the pool with the krystal
unamaga: oh yah
la_folle_allure: and as much as he wants to join the party, he doesn't know the secret hndshake
unamaga: i can just see teenage sam with his prim l.l. bean clothes and big back pack trailing after dean while he's makin his coke rounds and all the bitches think he's real 'cute', wanna be the one to pop that
la_folle_allure: LMAO
la_folle_allure: dude, dean SO delt weed
unamaga: hell yes!
la_folle_allure: and he wore his sun visor to th side of his head
la_folle_allure: and referred to all white men as the man
la_folle_allure: and talked nnstop about how they were repressing his people
unamaga: he idolizes malcom x
la_folle_allure: and his two bff's were names l'quishna and jamal
la_folle_allure: OH HELLS YEAH
la_folle_allure: and when he talks about god, he refers to MLK
unamaga: YES
la_folle_allure: god, i LOVE BEING UN-PC
unamaga: \o/
unamaga: dude, also?
la_folle_allure: yessss?
unamaga: he's totally fucked jlo
la_folle_allure: LMAO!
la_folle_allure: he fucked her when she WAS jenny from the block
unamaga: oh yeah
la_folle_allure: when she had just a little, not a lot
unamaga: and he won't get with a bitch if she don't have a big ass
la_folle_allure: dude, he is ALL about the badonkadonk
la_folle_allure: and he had cornrows
unamaga: OH GOD
la_folle_allure: dean SO had cornrows
unamaga: he did
la_folle_allure: and wore a sweatband around his upper arm
la_folle_allure: and his pants below his knees
unamaga: and those fucking long wife beaters
la_folle_allure: YES
la_folle_allure: and ALWAYS had a 40oz bottle of beer on him
la_folle_allure: and was SERIOUSLY considering gtting a wu tang clan tattoo, but the po-po were all up in his grizzle and he couldn't
unamaga: he was in a gang, too.
la_folle_allure: dude, oh course!
unamaga: john never had the guts to ask what the bandana was for
la_folle_allure: he was witht he Krips
la_folle_allure: in east compton
la_folle_allure: and the skulls were the rival gang
unamaga: they really fucking hated that winchester kid 'cause he had a quick sharp shot and a quicker temper
la_folle_allure: and an even quicker tongue
unamaga: and they never found the bodies
la_folle_allure: EVER
la_folle_allure: because t-bone always looked out for dean
la_folle_allure: and they called him cracker jack
la_folle_allure: because he was the prize on a box of crappy popcorn
unamaga: some of the hos liked to lick their lips and talk about that prize, but they shut the fuck up whenever he came round cause he'd backhand em and make em get on their knees
la_folle_allure: but the bitchez STILL kept coming back for more
unamaga: cause no one could do it like dean
la_folle_allure: sometimes, sam would come in and the entire apartment would be hotboxed and there would be 6-7 ho's waiting for their turn
la_folle_allure: dude, dean was black where it counted *nods*
unamaga: hellz yeah
la_folle_allure: *laughs* mel, have i mentioned lately that i just love you to fucking bits and pieces??
unamaga: *jumps* oh man i love you like a lot.
unamaga: this conversation must be shared, btw.
la_folle_allure: not many people can actually listen to the black!spn, let alone keep the convo flowin' lol
la_folle_allure: COMPLTELY
unamaga: Hahahahah
la_folle_allure: lol, as i always say, FUCK PC
unamaga: RISE UP AGAINST THE MAN
la_folle_allure: BLACK POWER!!!
unamaga: oh god, also? dean wanted to be a member of the black panthers.
la_folle_allure: dude, he WAS a member of the black panthers
la_folle_allure: and his brothers considered his freckles color pigmentation spots
unamaga: and he punched his teacher in the face when the bastard made a comment about dean's heritidge
la_folle_allure: he was REALLY black, with a VERY large whie freckle
la_folle_allure: dude, i bet his teachers called him D Win
unamaga: and even though he never did his work or payed attention in class, they all loved him because he was an insolent brat with a smarmy smile and quick wit
la_folle_allure: absolutely
la_folle_allure: and MAN, could he play ball
unamaga: HAHAAH
la_folle_allure: he was gonna go all the way man
la_folle_allure: like, he was star center and had a solid rap band behind him
la_folle_allure: whenever he went to rap battles, he always came in first
la_folle_allure: you know, rumor had it that dean met dre first and HE was the one to call him dr
unamaga: and the dudes that lost to him always tried to meet him out back, right, but dean would come out all by himself, crack his knuckles and give him this sick grin, and just fucking rip them all apart
la_folle_allure: dude, dean was the only member of the krips that DIDN'T need his possee to roll with him all the time, because this one guy tried to bust a cap in his ass, right?
la_folle_allure: and dean just schooled him old school stylz
unamaga: he sent one guy down the fucking sewer and he never came back.
la_folle_allure: shame that was. a damn fool shame
la_folle_allure: but really, he had to be made an example of
unamaga: and people know dean all the fuck over, not just in the cities. dean went to little rock once and a coupla guys came up to him and shook his hand 'you dean winchester? we've heard fucking lot about you, man.'
la_folle_allure: dude, i heard that it was REALLY dean and not rosa parks that refused to go to the back of the bus
la_folle_allure: dean was just feeling charitable and let her take all th glory
unamaga: and dean also single handedly forced abraham lincoln to sign the emancipation proclaimation
la_folle_allure: dude, dean wrote it out and EVERYTHING
unamaga: got sam to help with the legal mumbo
la_folle_allure: and even though people would have just listened to his law like, without any question, he felt as if abe should like, back it for the hell of it
unamaga: yeah it gave him a high to fuck with the federal law and hold a gun to the president's beard.
la_folle_allure: werd!
la_folle_allure: though, i think dean organizing the march on washington is my favorite thing he's ever done
unamaga: yeah that was pretty awesome.
la_folle_allure: he had juice boxes for EVERYONE
unamaga: and they were the good kind, too, cause d win doesn't settle for shit
la_folle_allure: there was a rumor going around that people wanted to elect him to be the next president aftr JFK
la_folle_allure: but some people were still a little iffy on there being a black president
la_folle_allure: but dean was cool with it, because he got WAY more ass
unamaga: and if maybe he grabs a little dick on the side, no one says anything because he's fucking dean winchester and they value their tongues.
la_folle_allure: dude, EVERYONE wanted dean to fuck them
la_folle_allure: EVERYONE
la_folle_allure: dean actually rejected JFK, and instead of living with the shame, blew his own brain out
la_folle_allure: though, dean also recognizes just how amazing his ass is and only lets sam fuck him, because really, he just loves sammy the mostest
unamaga: yeah and that whole thing with the assassination of archduke ferdinand that started world war two? dean doesn't like to talk about that because the whole thing was just a mix up involving two cases of hard liquor and a globe.
la_folle_allure: and how bills become laws? simple. dean says them so and the bill just drafts and ratifies itself
unamaga: and deans cock is also the ninth wonder of the world. seen from outer space
la_folle_allure: and the holocaust? it's all sam's fault. dean was GOING to stop hitler, but then sam had to wear a lowcut top and dean spent the next 10 years fucking him into the next day
la_folle_allure: oh, and all african fertility statues are really just a to scale representation of dean's dick
unamaga: sam still has the top, actually, and he wears it whenever he thinks dean is about to go out and kill george bush - sam's a republican even though he went to school in california
la_folle_allure: yeah, dean's still working on fucking the red out of him, but sam's a crafty fucker. he's just secretly a bush supporter because of all the lax gun control
unamaga: and also dean is single handedly responsible for the polio vaccine.
la_folle_allure: also, dean winchester HAS the vaccine for cancer, AIDS, the solution of poverty, starvation and the homeless, but everytime he gets ready to go out and deliver them to the world, sam gets out of the shower and dean forgets about going out
unamaga: plus, he and sam have a bet on and dean just can't lose. it would ruin his rep.
la_folle_allure: true dat. dean's street cred is the most VITAL think in the world
la_folle_allure: it singlehandedly upholds the american economy
unamaga: not that much can damage it, because every major playa owes dean a favor or five
la_folle_allure: dude, rumsfeld stepped down because dean asked him to over a round of beer
unamaga: and he totally ratted on where saddam was hiding.
la_folle_allure: and everyone knows that every night, bush prays to dean for guidance. as you can tell, dean nevers responds back
la_folle_allure: dean tipped the iraqi jury to execute man, because he was sick and tired of looking at his stoopid FACE
unamaga: yeah, and god he still remembers that fucking picture when sadam had the fugly beard. that was just wrong, man, and sam cried for two days.
la_folle_allure: and when sam cries, dean does not get laid
la_folle_allure: that's why there was an earthquake in india man
la_folle_allure: dean's cock wasn't getting sucked and nature was angry WITH him
unamaga: and the tsunami? that was when sam refused to go down on dean in the mini mart
la_folle_allure: oh, and dean lets people believe oprah rebuilt new orleans. really, he just told the broken wood and bricks to hope the fuck to it, because he needed his fill of free booby flashing on mardi gras
unamaga: and gigli flopped in theatres not because it was a particularly bad movie but because jlo was fucking someone other than dean.
la_folle_allure: and jersy girl flopped because dean REALLY fucking hates ben affleck.
unamaga: the dick once refused to go out with dean for a beer and he's sort of been heading downhill ever since
la_folle_allure: though, LOTR succeeded, because it's loosely based off dean's life, but it was JUST him. he didn't need 8 other people to slow him down
la_folle_allure: jim morrison? he's still alive
la_folle_allure: the niggah owes dean 100 million dollars because dean bet that The Doors would be a MUCH cooler name that what jimmy originally wanted: The Rodeo Hot Dogs. He's been in hiding ever since
unamaga: And elvis never overdosed, he just couldn't deal with himself anymore when dean told him he needed to lose some weight and he hung himself.
la_folle_allure: jimi hendrix? also still alive. he's just waiting for sam to get lost so he can have dean all to himself. (he's really possessive, but knows sam will crush him if he tries anythign)
unamaga: cher is still alive by sheer force of dean's will.
la_folle_allure: agree. sonny bono got lost because when dean was drunk, he told cher she was hot and sonny, realizing he would never be able to hold a flame to dean, ducked out with his dignity
unamaga: cher was kind of upset with dean for that, but she got over it quickly because dean called her 'babe'. she's been subsisting on that one word for decades.
la_folle_allure: oh, and cher REALLY hasn't had ANY plastic surgery at ALL. one look at dean and her skin tightens itself
unamaga: christina aguilera shaped up because she'd heard a rumor dean had said he missed the older chrissy
la_folle_allure: and brit-brit dropped k fed because dean said he hated his music
la_folle_allure: also? sean preston? he's dean's.
la_folle_allure: so is kingston james and shilo nouvelle
la_folle_allure: suri... she's all tom's, despite the rumors
unamaga: john lennon and paul mccartney made up because dean said he missed the old days
la_folle_allure: mick jagger and keith richards are actually dead. their corpses still move because dean REALLY loves the stones.
unamaga: and ozzy osbourne got a show on mtv because dean went to visit the family for dinner one night and thought they were funny. they even made him laugh once.
la_folle_allure: sam, on the other hand, realllly liked hulk hogan in the 80s. somethign to do with all the yellow spandex. dean promised hulk if he lent sam one of the boas, he'd get him his own show.
unamaga: and the power rangers? sam liked them when he was little, 'nuff said.
la_folle_allure: sam had a crush on the yellow ranger. she didn't really die in a car accident, but aftr dean was done, that's wha tthe cops decided was the truth
la_folle_allure: and the red ranger doing porn? dean once said he had a nice ass. the rest was just because of a shitty agent
unamaga: *can't stop laughing*
la_folle_allure: ;)
unamaga: starbucks belongs to dean. because sam said he liked their fraps.
la_folle_allure: pepsi and coke are actually the EXACT same beverage. it's just sam likes red and dean liked blue, and dean can't ever stand to see sam pout and look sad, so he allowed the red labels to go to print.
unamaga: and mcdonalds introduced the low calorie menu because dean loved eating there but sam would look sad and say there was nothing he wanted.
la_folle_allure: the only reason chuck norris became cool again was because dean was watchign old reruns of walker and made a passing comment that roundhouse kicks to the face were hot. ben stiller just happened to be in the next room and immediately cast him in dodgeball
unamaga: every once in a while, dean goes over to europe and fucks sam on the top of the eiffle tower. when he's there, the value of the french dollar triples and every nation in the world feels a certain affection for croissants.
la_folle_allure: the real reason the american dollar is shit right now is because dean and sam have been spending a lot of time in canada. because of this, no one wants to go to the USA and their tourism industry crashed
unamaga: jensen ackles got the job on supernatural because dean said he was a handsome fellow. jensen creamed his pants right there and couldn't walk for two days.
la_folle_allure: jared padalecki is actually a LOT more attractive than he's portrayed on film and tv. it's just that sam is REALLY jealous of the fact jared's a little bit prettier than him, so the makeup department go out of their way to make him look like crap. the asian hairstylist stopped doing his hair because of that
unamaga: the real reason jared had a cast on his arm is because sam messed him up after dean'd given him a sweeping once over.
la_folle_allure: twice a year, sammy has his man period. for that month, dean goes out and fucks jared and jensen together. people int he TV biz started calling it summer and fall haitus
unamaga: *can't even follow that ahahaha*
la_folle_allure: lol
la_folle_allure: *tackle glomps you*
unamaga: *molesty hands*
la_folle_allure: *smiles all happy and dopey like* lol
la_folle_allure: that was fun!
unamaga: *loopy* CRACK IS GOOD
la_folle_allure: VERRAH GOOOOOD lol
la_folle_allure: *wonders if her flist will think she truly is smoking crack when she posts this entire convo, minus spoilers*