Fic: Hunger Hurts (But I Want Him)

[unamaga]

Title: Hunger Hurts (But I Want Him)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Wordcount: 1,326 words
Notes: Written to cheer up my Kim, who was feeling pretty down in the dumps. A big ol' thanks to the ever fabulous talilov, who beta'd this in under thirty minutes. That's right folks, thirty minutes. Praise be to Tali! Anywho, here's the song that goes with: Paper Bag - Fiona Apple

Jensen doesn’t look up when Jared sits next to him on the bench. He keeps his eyes trained firmly on the ground between his sneakers, watching the toe of his shoe dig a deep hole in the wet soil. He thinks there’s probably a metaphor here somewhere, but his mind is too tired to care.

“You really freaked out back there,” Jared murmurs, low and private. His hand is warm, spread out against Jensen’s back, right between his shoulder blades, and Jensen feels like a complete bastard. “What’s up, man?”

“It’s nothing,” Jensen lies. “I’m just – I’ve got a lot of stuff going on, y’know? I guess it just snuck up on me. Didn’t mean to blow up like that.”

Jared slants a disbelieving look at him, eyes narrowed and fox-sharp. “Jen, I’ve known you to take on five or six projects, all at the same time, and tear your hair out. But you’ve never taken it out on someone else, that’s just not you,” he says. His thumb brushes over the baby hairs at the base of Jensen’s neck in what’s supposed to be a comforting gesture but only manages to make Jensen tenser. “Come on, you know you can talk to me. Right?”

“Yeah,” Jensen says, and means not about this. He laughs nervously, trying to shrug out from under Jared’s huge hand. “But there’s really nothing to talk about, dude. We’re wasting precious video game time.”

Realizing he’s not going to get anywhere, Jared sighs heavily and says, “I’m going to kick your ass so hard at Pro Skater, bro.”

:::

It’s only three days before Jensen’s back on the bench just outside the lot, head in his hands, after another blow out with Kim onset. It’s not Kim’s fault, he knows that, but it’s just easier to focus everything on him, make him the bad guy in all of this.

Jared takes a little longer coming out this time, and he’s decidedly less accommodating when he does. His huge boots crunch on the gravel and each step has Jensen’s heart forcing itself higher and higher in his throat until he feels like he can’t even breathe. Then, Jared stops directly in front of him and crouches down so they’re eye to eye.

His face is pinched with irritation and concern, the lines around his mouth turning white from pressure. “Jensen,” he says seriously. “Jensen, you have to talk to me about this. It isn’t just stress – I know it, you know it. Is it your girl?”

Jensen laughs a little, and it sounds rusty and brittle even to his own ears. Jared flinches back, startled. “No, Jared, it’s not my girl. I don’t have a girl.”

“Oh,” Jared mumbles. He bites his bottom lip, worrying it with his teeth until Jensen wants to reach out and smack him. “Is it the job?” he asks finally. “Do you want to stop?”

“It’s nothing, Jared, just –” Jensen snaps his mouth shut and digs his fingers into his knees. “Can we just forget about it?”

“No. We can’t forget about it, man,” Jared says, earnest eyes and mouth. “You just got into a shouting match with Kim Manners. The same Kim Manners that you and I practically begged Kripke to have back in again.” He shifts forward, balancing himself on the edge of the bench’s wooden planks and Jensen instinctively shies back.

Jared stops, jaw ticking. “Is it me? Did I do something?” he asks, like he doesn’t really want to know.

Jensen’s heart stutters in his chest, and he’s quick to say, “No, of course I’m not mad at you, Jared,” even if it’s only a half-truth – anything to get that hurt look off of Jared’s face.

Jared still looks dubious, but at least his eyes are clear. “Look, man, it won’t happen again. Scout’s honor,” Jensen says, holding up two fingers.

“You were never a scout,” Jared counters immediately.

“Shut up, that’s not the point,” Jensen replies.

“Then what is the point? Dude, you gotta give me more than that,” Jared says, and for a minute, he sounds exactly like Sam Winchester. It’s almost automatic for Jensen to roll his eyes.

“If it happens again, I give you my word that you can interrogate me to your heart’s content,” Jensen says.

Jared’s lips twist up like he’s trying not to laugh. “And you swear you’ll tell the truth.”

“I swear to God,” Jensen says, and Jared’s hand is suddenly on his head, ruffling his hair up like he’s five instead of twenty seven.

“Well, all right,” he drawls. “Let’s go in there and kill us some beasties.”

:::

Jensen lasts a whole week this time, and he actually has the presence of mind during the blow out to think, in a distant corner of his mind, shit. Sure enough, only two minutes after he’d slammed the trailer door behind him, Jared is climbing the stairs and backing him into a corner. His eyes are dark and he looks pretty damn furious.

“Talk,” he growls.

Jensen swallows hard, panicking because he can’t exactly tell Jared what’s going on without getting punched and Jared sure isn’t going to take no for an answer. Apparently, he’s taking too long, because Jared’s face is darkening by the second, and Jensen might get punched anyway.

“You swore you would tell me what was bothering you if it ever happened again, Jensen,” he says. “You swore, and if you think you’re getting out of this, you have no idea how wrong you are. Tell me what’s going on.”

Jensen laughs awkwardly and clears his throat. “Could we, um, not do this against a wall?” he asks, and immediately hates his own mouth. Jared steps away, though, letting him push off the wall and flop onto the trailer’s one couch.

“Comfortable?” Jared asks when Jensen’s settled himself.

“Hah, um, that is. Yes,” Jensen mumbles. “Yes, I’m comfortable.”

“Good.” Jared leans closer, and even his nose looks threatening. “Start talking and don’t stop until you’ve gotten this whatever-it-is off your chest.”

“It’s not as easy as all that –“ Jensen starts, but Jared cuts him off with a hard look. “No, ok. Jared, this isn’t something I can just blurt out and that’ll be the end of it. It’s…”

“It’s what?” Jared asks, sitting up on his knees and forcing himself into Jensen’s personal space. He’s everywhere, long limbs bumping against Jensen’s knees and shoulder. “What is it? Just tell me, or I swear to god I’ll mess up your car, man. It’s what?”

And it’s not like Jensen means to do it, but Jared is just there, and he can’t help it, so he tugs on Jared’s shirt front until he topples forward and then they’re kissing. It’s not like Jensen thought it’d be: sweet like Jared’s candy and slow like how he’s seen him kiss Sandy – instead, it’s fierce, like Jared thinks that if he kisses Jensen hard enough, everything will magically work out. Jared’s mouth isn’t soft or gentle; his lips are chapped and scrape roughly against Jensen’s every time they twist or shift for a better angle.

Jensen’s panting by the time Jared pulls back, and he’s already forgotten what they were talking about. Jared hasn’t though, and he’s laying kisses along Jensen’s jaw as he says, “Is this it? Is this the problem?”

His breath puffs out, warm and moist, and a thrill goes up Jensen’s spine. Everything is going too fast, he can’t keep track of what’s happening, but Jared’s hands are on him and Jared’s mouth is against his ear. “Doesn’t seem like a problem anymore,” Jensen says.

Jared laughs. “True.” His fingers catch on the seams of Jensen’s shirt and Jensen can’t help the shaky moan he lets out. “You gonna stop yelling at all our directors now?”

“You gonna shut up and kiss me again?” Jensen asks.

Jared’s smile turns a little wicked. “Yeah,” he says, “yeah, I can do that.”

Comments

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

AWWW thank you, honeybunch!! I haff made somefink for your wishlist, even though I am not at all a graphics person ma bob. Do you want it soonish or for me to wait until Christmas?

[inderpal.livejournal.com]

Heee! I think that question is no longer relevat, but I'd have wated it aas soon as possible anyway, because I CANNOT WAIT FOR ANYTHING!! ♥