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Squishy is my hero. ♥
OKAY. SO. SPOILERS NOW. BEWARNED, I AM NOT COHERANT.
More to come when I can THINK COHERANTLY. And, like, breathe. Or something.
how the fuck did i forget this? in the beginning, just after we see the demon rushing out of mr. trucker dude? SAM SCREAMS FOR HIS BROTHER AND THERE IS A BRIGHT, WHITE, ALL ENCOMPASSING LIGHT. DISCUSS.
I just meta'd all over![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
_3amconfession's journal. So, here it is:
SAM AND DEAN LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH IT'S LIKE BURNING. OMG. All those Sam-haters who were like, "He's so cold, Dean loves him so much more than he loves Dean, look at how w00bie Dean is!" can KISS MY ASS NOW because hello did they see Sam's face when he was clinging to the doorjamb and watching Dean DIE? Omg.
And Papa? What can I say about Papa? I HATE HIM SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. Like, aRG, GRr, because 1) what the fuck are you thinking making a deal with the demon? No, really, death isn't gonna get you out of explaining yourself, mister. 2) why didn't you say goodbye to Sammy? Do you realize how much that's going to hurt him when he sits down and realizes? 3) whatever the fuck you whispered into Dean's ear better have been either "I love you, son" or some kind of goodbye. Because, I swear to god that if you told him something bout the demon at the last second and then went off to let yourself die, I will hate you FOREVER. 4) how dare you yell at Sammy about all of this?! Sam's definitely in the right here, and you have no business telling him anything about how or how not to take care of Dean. I think he has it down pat, considering he's been closer to Dean almost all of his life than you ever were. 5) that thing about Dean having to comfort you after hunts when it should have been you comforting him is NOT GOING TO MAKE ME LIKE YOU MORE. No. It's not. Shut up, it won't work!
And, speaking of Dean: OH DEEN. OH MY GOD. I may love Sam something awful, but no one can even come CLOSE to Dean, especially in this episode. When he's yelling at Papa and Papa can't hear him? I thought that was so heart-wrenching I almost started crying right then. Because, God, for so many years and years Dean never stood up to him; he did give him everything and then some, but Papa never gave anything back but orders and responsibility. I thought it was such a beautiful, horrible metaphor for the Winchesters' relationships that Dean was the one who no one could hear. And while Sammy sometimes had glimpses of him, and he tried his damnedest to communicate with him, later with success, it was so classically Papa to not hear him at all, to not recognize Dean's need, even when it's screaming at him, that I wanted to BAWL.
And, oh, Sammy. Sammy, Sammy, Sammy. God, I couldn't have loved him more in this episode if I tried. He was such a supporting, loving character in this. All he was about was Dean and getting Dean back. He can't imagine a world without his brother in it, because his brother is his world. Fuck all that vengence crap, it doesn't mean anything if he doesn't have Dean there with him. And, man, that hurt like a bitch, because now Sam is finally realizing exactly what Dean was trying to tell him all along last season: nothing else is as important as them having each other. And, sure, Sam was able to run off to Stanford and get with a girl and not talk to his family for (what?) three years, but Dean and John were always still there. He knew that if he would just pick up that phone or put that postcard in the mail, they would be able to answer him. They were somewhere out there and that was enough. But now? It's not enough, it's just not. He has to have Dean because Dean is the stability, Dean is the rock, and he can't keep steady unless he has something to hang onto. It was beautiful and terrible to hear him talking about the Impala, because it was such a fucking metaphor. "If there's only one part that still works, that's enough." God, Sammy, way to break a girl's heart, because, God, he's talking about Dean there.
I just meta'd all over Dani's journal, too. I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE ALL OF THIS IS COMING FROM.
It's just...God, for months and months of episodes last year, the most striking thing about the intro was Sam saying, "I gotta find Dad--it's all I can think about," in a quiet, broken sort of voice. And this episode? Just..Just GOD.
Thinking of it from Sam's point of view: First, he's uprooted from the life he's carefully cultivated for three or four years by his brother coming back into his life. As a consequence of him being who he is--and he still doesn't quite even know that--Jess, the woman he loves, who he was planning to marry, dies. He throws himself into the hunt with Dean, trying to get back into the groove, hating everything they go up against by proxy, and then the visions come. That's a kick to the head, literally and figuratively. He gets a glimpse into the person that he could have been, and I think he starts to realize how demons aren't always the evil--people are just as bad, and he has it good.
He sees his father for the first time in years in "Shadows" and they only have about 15 minutes of time together before they have to part ways without having solved anything. Then the last arc starts and there's a whole new world of deceit and power opening up around him. It's dizzying, it's horrible and John knew about it all along. His little bubble of vengence and 'i'm still going back to college' breaks open and he has nothing left to hold onto but Dean, because hell if he can really trust his father once he finds out what he's been hiding. Everything's going on too quick, no one can get a breather, tension and fraying nerves, and then John gets taken. Dean's breaking--his rock, his brother--and their father's gone, and he can't think of anything but getting the demon, because maybe that'll make it all better, make it all go away.
They finally get John back, but he's not really John. The demon isn't something far away, some goal, anymore; it's flesh and blood and in their father and they can't do anything about it. He's given the choice of 'kill dad' or 'let the demon live' and, in the end, they're broken and battered, but they're alive, and Sam finally understands what Dean had been saying for a long time.
So, when the truck slams into them, it's more than Sam can even manage to take. It can't happen like this, it can't, because he was just starting to get it. It's still going all too fast, he can't keep up, Dean is dying and all Dad can think of is killing the stupid fucking demon. Dean comes back by some "miracle" and Sam is so relieved he could cry, but it's not over yet because he comes back with a cup of coffee, safe in the idea that Dean and Dad are okay, and he sees Dad lying on the ground, not moving. The doctors try so hard and Dean looks so messed up, and why does it have to happen like this?
He doesn't get any time to process anything, it all goes to fast, and now he's going to have to deal with the demon having the colt--OMG MAYBE THATS WHAT JOHN SAID, HOLY SHIT--and him being some kind of toy that the demon wants to play with on top of their father being gone. That was their purpose, that was their goal: find Dad and he'll know what to do, it'll all be okay. What are they going to do now?
- HOW DARE YOU PAPA WINCHESTER? I HATE YOU SO SO SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.
- No. Seriously. WTF. I AM DEAD!
- What the hell did Papa whisper to Dean at the end there? Did he even whisper anything? It can't have been anything revealing because Dean CLEARLY DID NOT KNOW OH GOD HIS EYES.
- Jensen looked hella hot in this episode. As undecipherable and I were saying, he should have definitely worn a hospital gown, because, hello Jensen's ass.
- Can we just touch upon how much SAM LOVES HIS BROTHER? Because, oh my GOD, he almost broke me at least fifty times. "You can't go, we were only getting to be brothers again." OH MY GOD SAM WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME?!
- When the two of them were doing their oujii board thing? I kept expecting Dean to spell out something rude like, "u r a dick" or "possum face". Okay, maybe not that, but SOMETHING, okay? My brain is liquid.
More to come when I can THINK COHERANTLY. And, like, breathe. Or something.
how the fuck did i forget this? in the beginning, just after we see the demon rushing out of mr. trucker dude? SAM SCREAMS FOR HIS BROTHER AND THERE IS A BRIGHT, WHITE, ALL ENCOMPASSING LIGHT. DISCUSS.
I just meta'd all over
_3amconfession's journal. So, here it is:SAM AND DEAN LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH IT'S LIKE BURNING. OMG. All those Sam-haters who were like, "He's so cold, Dean loves him so much more than he loves Dean, look at how w00bie Dean is!" can KISS MY ASS NOW because hello did they see Sam's face when he was clinging to the doorjamb and watching Dean DIE? Omg.
And Papa? What can I say about Papa? I HATE HIM SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. Like, aRG, GRr, because 1) what the fuck are you thinking making a deal with the demon? No, really, death isn't gonna get you out of explaining yourself, mister. 2) why didn't you say goodbye to Sammy? Do you realize how much that's going to hurt him when he sits down and realizes? 3) whatever the fuck you whispered into Dean's ear better have been either "I love you, son" or some kind of goodbye. Because, I swear to god that if you told him something bout the demon at the last second and then went off to let yourself die, I will hate you FOREVER. 4) how dare you yell at Sammy about all of this?! Sam's definitely in the right here, and you have no business telling him anything about how or how not to take care of Dean. I think he has it down pat, considering he's been closer to Dean almost all of his life than you ever were. 5) that thing about Dean having to comfort you after hunts when it should have been you comforting him is NOT GOING TO MAKE ME LIKE YOU MORE. No. It's not. Shut up, it won't work!
And, speaking of Dean: OH DEEN. OH MY GOD. I may love Sam something awful, but no one can even come CLOSE to Dean, especially in this episode. When he's yelling at Papa and Papa can't hear him? I thought that was so heart-wrenching I almost started crying right then. Because, God, for so many years and years Dean never stood up to him; he did give him everything and then some, but Papa never gave anything back but orders and responsibility. I thought it was such a beautiful, horrible metaphor for the Winchesters' relationships that Dean was the one who no one could hear. And while Sammy sometimes had glimpses of him, and he tried his damnedest to communicate with him, later with success, it was so classically Papa to not hear him at all, to not recognize Dean's need, even when it's screaming at him, that I wanted to BAWL.
And, oh, Sammy. Sammy, Sammy, Sammy. God, I couldn't have loved him more in this episode if I tried. He was such a supporting, loving character in this. All he was about was Dean and getting Dean back. He can't imagine a world without his brother in it, because his brother is his world. Fuck all that vengence crap, it doesn't mean anything if he doesn't have Dean there with him. And, man, that hurt like a bitch, because now Sam is finally realizing exactly what Dean was trying to tell him all along last season: nothing else is as important as them having each other. And, sure, Sam was able to run off to Stanford and get with a girl and not talk to his family for (what?) three years, but Dean and John were always still there. He knew that if he would just pick up that phone or put that postcard in the mail, they would be able to answer him. They were somewhere out there and that was enough. But now? It's not enough, it's just not. He has to have Dean because Dean is the stability, Dean is the rock, and he can't keep steady unless he has something to hang onto. It was beautiful and terrible to hear him talking about the Impala, because it was such a fucking metaphor. "If there's only one part that still works, that's enough." God, Sammy, way to break a girl's heart, because, God, he's talking about Dean there.
I just meta'd all over Dani's journal, too. I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE ALL OF THIS IS COMING FROM.
It's just...God, for months and months of episodes last year, the most striking thing about the intro was Sam saying, "I gotta find Dad--it's all I can think about," in a quiet, broken sort of voice. And this episode? Just..Just GOD.
Thinking of it from Sam's point of view: First, he's uprooted from the life he's carefully cultivated for three or four years by his brother coming back into his life. As a consequence of him being who he is--and he still doesn't quite even know that--Jess, the woman he loves, who he was planning to marry, dies. He throws himself into the hunt with Dean, trying to get back into the groove, hating everything they go up against by proxy, and then the visions come. That's a kick to the head, literally and figuratively. He gets a glimpse into the person that he could have been, and I think he starts to realize how demons aren't always the evil--people are just as bad, and he has it good.
He sees his father for the first time in years in "Shadows" and they only have about 15 minutes of time together before they have to part ways without having solved anything. Then the last arc starts and there's a whole new world of deceit and power opening up around him. It's dizzying, it's horrible and John knew about it all along. His little bubble of vengence and 'i'm still going back to college' breaks open and he has nothing left to hold onto but Dean, because hell if he can really trust his father once he finds out what he's been hiding. Everything's going on too quick, no one can get a breather, tension and fraying nerves, and then John gets taken. Dean's breaking--his rock, his brother--and their father's gone, and he can't think of anything but getting the demon, because maybe that'll make it all better, make it all go away.
They finally get John back, but he's not really John. The demon isn't something far away, some goal, anymore; it's flesh and blood and in their father and they can't do anything about it. He's given the choice of 'kill dad' or 'let the demon live' and, in the end, they're broken and battered, but they're alive, and Sam finally understands what Dean had been saying for a long time.
So, when the truck slams into them, it's more than Sam can even manage to take. It can't happen like this, it can't, because he was just starting to get it. It's still going all too fast, he can't keep up, Dean is dying and all Dad can think of is killing the stupid fucking demon. Dean comes back by some "miracle" and Sam is so relieved he could cry, but it's not over yet because he comes back with a cup of coffee, safe in the idea that Dean and Dad are okay, and he sees Dad lying on the ground, not moving. The doctors try so hard and Dean looks so messed up, and why does it have to happen like this?
He doesn't get any time to process anything, it all goes to fast, and now he's going to have to deal with the demon having the colt--OMG MAYBE THATS WHAT JOHN SAID, HOLY SHIT--and him being some kind of toy that the demon wants to play with on top of their father being gone. That was their purpose, that was their goal: find Dad and he'll know what to do, it'll all be okay. What are they going to do now?
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I will never get any sleep when the ficcing starts. Actually, I've avoided my community friends list all night because I'm afraid it will start now and I'll be up all night, lol.
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This next coming weekend is going to be INSANE, I bet you anything. There will be ficcing and arting and caping and META. *flaily hands* I want the meta! Like, now!
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