unamaga | Fic: Fangs and Feelers (NC-17)

Title: Fangs and Feelers
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jensen/Jared - sort of.
Wordcount: 1,031 words
Warnings: Gay snake/snail porn. UM CRACK.
Notes: First of all, this is not my fault. I know I say that all the time, but this time it's completely true. I wasn't even involved in the conversation that spurned this. Read it here if you don't believe me. It was all

immoralilly and

schneestern, honest to God. But, see, then they had to go and show me the log and, well, it ate my brain. Along with Schnee's. She even made a banner. So, uh, this is an AU. This is an AU in which Jensen is a snail and Jared is a snake. They have sex. I...understand if you defriend me over this. Really, I do. Beta duties by Schnee in the early stages, final look-over by Robin. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT.

I’m going to tell you a story. It’s sort of like Romeo and Juliet, except no one dies at the end, and there’s a lot more slime involved – but not the kind you get on Nickelodeon.

Wait. Let me start at the beginning. You’re probably confused.

There once was a plane. And, you guessed it, there were snakes on this plane. But, along with the snakes, there were also snails, rats, two different kinds of gold fish, a bald eagle, and four very confused ferns. We’re only going to be talking about the snakes and the snails, though, so don’t worry about the rest.

Anyway, now that you’ve got the set-up, you should probably know that snails and snakes don’t get along. It’s not that snakes eat snails, or that snails poison snakes, it’s just a very passionate dislike stemming from nothing either group can really figure out.

Here’s where the Romeo and Juliet analogy comes in. ‘Cause, see, there were two very star-crossed lovers on that plane…

-
The plane's bathroom isn't the most sanitary place for a clandestine meeting, but Jensen's a snail and Jared used to live under a car. Plus, there's a lock. That's important because sometimes Jared gets carried away with his tongue, and some poor, hapless passenger shouldn't have to see that.

Jensen may leave a trail of sludge behind him where ever he goes, but he's still polite.

Jared slithers into the room five minutes after they're supposed to meet, looking apologetic and tasting the air for Jensen's irritation. I'm ssssssorry, Jen. Mom kept me latesssss at dinner.

Jensen flicks his feelers in annoyance, sending a glob of gook flying towards the wall. Fine. Rats again, huh? Just get over here.

Happily, Jared wiggles his way up the door and clicks the lock in place, then makes his way over to Jen, curling around him and pressing their tails together. A jolt goes through both of them.

Sssss, misssed you, Jen, Jared hisses, dipping his head a little to rest it on Jensen's shell.

Jensen lies down flat so his neck is supported by one of Jared's coils. When're you gonna tell your dad, Jared? I don't wanna do this forever.

I know. Jared lets out a reptilian sigh, forked tongue catching on the edge of Jensen's shell, tasting earth and salt. Jensen's tail twitches against his. Heh heh, someone's in a mood.

Jensen raises his head, craning around to look at Jared with one feeler raised wickedly. And who's fault is that? Don't see a snail for two days, he starts to think about things - like that tongue o' yours. Or those belly scales.

Jared laughs, sibilant and low, making Jensen's feelers curl in against his head. Thinkin' about my belly scales, Jensen? That's dirty, even for you.

Shut up, Jensen says faintly, slumping forward onto Jared again as Jared curls the tip of his tail around his and tugs. He squirms a little, slipping on the slick tile floor. You don't play fair.

That same laugh, and then a wicked twist of Jared's tail that has Jensen squirming even harder and oozing all over Jared's clean scales. No one ever said I wasss fair, Snaily. You should know that better than anyone.

Shut up, Jensen whines again.

Jared's smug face is suddenly in front of him, grinning, sharp-toothed, down at him in a way that makes those slanted eyes seem even more yellow. Ssssure you want me to do that, Jensssen? I know how much you like it when I hissss.

On the last, Jared's tongue flickers softly over one of Jensen's feelers, and that's all it takes to have Jensen shuddering like he's a slug someone's poured salt on, and muffling himself against Jared's smooth skin.

Jared's bumping his blunt nose against Jensen's neck when Jensen comes back to himself, restlessly curling his own tail into itself. You okay?

Jensen doesn't reply, stretching himself a little, and then curving the less sensitive inner part of his tail around Jared's and using his natural slickness to ease the way. He only has to tug three times before Jared's hissing harshly and baring his fangs.

A thrill goes through Jensen at the sight of those teeth - so dangerous and sharp, normally used for choking and breaking and hurting - bared now at the peek of pleasure.

Wow, Jared breathes, when he stops trembling. He flattens their tails together carefully, and curls more tightly around Jensen. They're quiet for a long time, ignoring the smelly human pounding on the door. Jared's scales are sticky from Jensen's snail ooze, Jensen notes vaguely. They'll both have to wash off in the sink before they leave.

I'll tell my dad tomorrow, Jared says, breaking the silence. He flicks his tongue out behind Jensen's feelers, affectionately, and starts to uncurl. We'd better clean up.

No, Jensen says, shifting so his shell blocks Jared’s way, not yet. Let’s just. Stay a while, ok?

Jared hisses another sigh, lowering his head and letting his muscles relax until he and Jensen are warmly snug together. Ok.

-
You see what I mean about the star-crossed thing? A snake and a snail getting it on in the plane bathroom, well, it’s bound to raise some feelers. There’s more to the story, of course.

Jared finally does tell his father about Jensen, and rather than yell at him about being in love with a snail, Jared’s father yells about him about being gay. Jared’s mother, however – a very affluent boa from a high class family in Central America – has no such social hang ups. She takes Jared with her when she leaves, tossing back a comment about size compensation.

Jensen’s parents are much more accepting about the whole thing. After all, Jensen’s older brother ran away with a little girl named Mattie, convinced she could turn him into a butterfly. They really have no room to be judgmental.

So, Jared and his mother move up to first class with Jensen’s family, startling a few businessmen, but otherwise settling in nicely. It’s pretty much a fairy tale ending.

Except, y’know, with way more porn.

Fic: Fangs and Feelers (NC-17)

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