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once upon a time
sofie got some junkmail in her inbox today from "dean". it told her that she could easily remedy her erectile disfunction by taking this certain pill - it only takes 15 minutes to start working, and you don't have to worry about any side affects! naturally, my mind went places.
keep your enemies close and your drinks closer
PG-13 | implied sam/dean | 450 words
Sam peeks out furtively from behind the convenience store shelf, making sure Dean is still fixated on his newspaper, and then plucks the tiny orange box off it. The back of the package says fifteen minutes to work, but Sam's sort of looking for instantaneous, so he rips the edge of the box open and breaks up a tablet and a half into his brother's bottle of soda.
There's a worrying "pfffzzz" sound as he twirls the drink around to mix it up, but thinking back on Dean's teasing from earlier that morning quells any doubts Sam might have had.
Fucking bastard and his fucking lips.
He walks casually out of the aisle a few minutes later, holding his brother's coke in one hand and his own sprite zero in the other. Dean makes a grab for his soda, mumbling something about girls and taking so freaking long to choose a freaking drink. He twists off the cap with a satisfied sound and throws back half the bottle in just a few gulps.
Sam manages to keep a straight face somehow, and goes over to the cashier to pay. Dean stacks a few bags of junk food on top of Sam's hand and says he'll meet him outside.
Ten minutes later, they're back on the road and Dean is fidgeting uncomfortably behind the wheel, jiggling his left leg and reaching down with one hand to adjust himself at least four times a minute. After his brother lets out another small, stifled noise, biting his lip, Sam can't stand it anymore - he busts up laughing, clutching his stomach and trying to breathe.
"What the fuck is so funny?" Dean whines, shifting in his seat.
Sam bites his knuckles and forces himself to calm down enough to say, "You ok there, big brother? Kind of worked up?"
"...Sam," Dean says, eyes widening. "Sam, what did you do?"
"Well," Sam starts, "you seemed like you were having a little trouble this morning, so I thought I'd help you along."
"I am going to kill you," Dean yells, yanking the wheel to the right and forcing them off the road with a squeal of tires. "You doped me up with some kind of fucking Viagra?"
Quietly, Sam lets his hand fall off his thigh and into the door well, wrapping his fingers around the handle. Dean probably can't run fast with a boner that won't quit, right? He pushes down and hears the snick of the door unlatching, then says, "Just wanted to give you a little stamina, Dean-baby," and he's out the door, making for the tree-line with Dean cursing up a blue streak behind him.
and then dean catches him and they have naughty sex for hours and hours on the forest floor because dean wants sam to know that he has stamina. "you want stamina, you little bitch? i'll show you stamina." happily ever after, the end. :D
keep your enemies close and your drinks closer
PG-13 | implied sam/dean | 450 words
Sam peeks out furtively from behind the convenience store shelf, making sure Dean is still fixated on his newspaper, and then plucks the tiny orange box off it. The back of the package says fifteen minutes to work, but Sam's sort of looking for instantaneous, so he rips the edge of the box open and breaks up a tablet and a half into his brother's bottle of soda.
There's a worrying "pfffzzz" sound as he twirls the drink around to mix it up, but thinking back on Dean's teasing from earlier that morning quells any doubts Sam might have had.
Fucking bastard and his fucking lips.
He walks casually out of the aisle a few minutes later, holding his brother's coke in one hand and his own sprite zero in the other. Dean makes a grab for his soda, mumbling something about girls and taking so freaking long to choose a freaking drink. He twists off the cap with a satisfied sound and throws back half the bottle in just a few gulps.
Sam manages to keep a straight face somehow, and goes over to the cashier to pay. Dean stacks a few bags of junk food on top of Sam's hand and says he'll meet him outside.
Ten minutes later, they're back on the road and Dean is fidgeting uncomfortably behind the wheel, jiggling his left leg and reaching down with one hand to adjust himself at least four times a minute. After his brother lets out another small, stifled noise, biting his lip, Sam can't stand it anymore - he busts up laughing, clutching his stomach and trying to breathe.
"What the fuck is so funny?" Dean whines, shifting in his seat.
Sam bites his knuckles and forces himself to calm down enough to say, "You ok there, big brother? Kind of worked up?"
"...Sam," Dean says, eyes widening. "Sam, what did you do?"
"Well," Sam starts, "you seemed like you were having a little trouble this morning, so I thought I'd help you along."
"I am going to kill you," Dean yells, yanking the wheel to the right and forcing them off the road with a squeal of tires. "You doped me up with some kind of fucking Viagra?"
Quietly, Sam lets his hand fall off his thigh and into the door well, wrapping his fingers around the handle. Dean probably can't run fast with a boner that won't quit, right? He pushes down and hears the snick of the door unlatching, then says, "Just wanted to give you a little stamina, Dean-baby," and he's out the door, making for the tree-line with Dean cursing up a blue streak behind him.
and then dean catches him and they have naughty sex for hours and hours on the forest floor because dean wants sam to know that he has stamina. "you want stamina, you little bitch? i'll show you stamina." happily ever after, the end. :D
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And I love how Sam has Sprite Zero.
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and then dean laughed at him when he almost crapped his pants. why, yes, i am feeling particularly vulgar tonight.no subject
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no
YES
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And Sammy is super silly.
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"But, Dean," Sam always whines when Dean tells him to stay the fuck in the car; "Dean, why can't I come?"
Usually, Dean would take the time to admire the lewd jokes he could happily make about that question, but when teddy bears are on the line, he doesn't want to take the chance of being distracted. This is serious, after all.
"Why, Sam? Because you'll buy a bear. With a bow. And then I'll have to commit ritual suicide to restore the honor to our family line," Dean says, securing the rope around Sam's wrists. Sam could easily pick it if he really wanted to, but it's the idea that's really going to keep his brother in the car more than anything. Once the final knot is done, Dean pats Sam on the chest, feeling confident. "Besides, I like tying you up. Gives me a real high."
Sam doesn't rise to the bait, just looking up at Dean through reproachful bangs. Dean sighs and taps his fingers along the dashboard.
"I'll bring you back a slice of pizza, babe," he says, consolingly. "Try not to, like, pee on the leather or anything."
He slams the door on Sam's pissy face, trying not to hear all of those impressive curses his brother is throwing at him through the glass, and turns on his heel.
His first stop is the Wal-Mart, where he carefully chooses the cheapest of everything he can get from his list. Who knew Wal-Mart carried bullets this far north? After that, he heads through the stupid extend-a-hallway into the main part of the mall, past the food-court and over to the occult shop - they're out of sage and white candles, so he grabs a couple bundles of sage and sniff-tests the candles to make sure they aren't, like, vanilla scented or anything, and then buys enough for a few weeks with Jacob Whettson's credit card.
He's mentally checking off the things on his list when he passes the mall's Build-a-Bear. It's with a sense of helpless dread that he sees Sam's head bobbing above the tide of children, sticking out like a sore thumb.
Dean manfully reigns in the urge to stomp his foot and throw a tantrum. Instead, he goes into the grotesquely yellow store and grabs Sam by the arm just as his little brother is picking out a bear with pink and red hearts all over it's furry body.
"I thought you were going to stay in the car, Sam," he growls, pulling until Sam has no choice but to follow. Dean thinks he's probably leaving bruises, but, well, he doesn't care. Fucking hearts? No. Really, just no.
Sam makes a small whimpery noise when they pass the threshold of the store, back into the main concourse, like it physically hurts him not to be making a stuffed bear. "B-but, Dean. I have to -"
"You don't have to do anything but get your skinny white ass back into my car and pray that I'll be merciful when I beat that same ass red and black later," Dean hisses, and Sam's gibbering trails off. His eyes are wide and glossy, startled.
He swallows, and Dean can hear it even from as far away as he is. "You're gonna spank me?" he asks, voice tiny.
"Yes, Sammy. Hard." Something in Sam's posture changes, his spine stiffening and his gait a little lopsided, like he's compensating for some extra -
"Ahaha," Dean says smugly. "Someone's getting off on the idea, isn't he? If I'da known this was all it would take..." Sam flushes, cheeks turning as red as the ridiculous hearts on that bear, but he follows along after Dean back to the car without protest, and when he gets into the passenger seat, he has to slide down a little to relieve the pressure on his hard dick.
"This," Dean grins, revving the engine, "is gonna be fun."
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this SO makes up for the itching powder!
*gives you pumpkin cookies and kisses*
yay for your ficlets!
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:D I luuurve Sammy.
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and then dean catches him and they have naughty sex for hours and hours on the forest floor because dean wants sam to know that he has stamina. "you want stamina, you little bitch? i'll show you stamina." happily ever after, the end. :D
I LOVED IT
:D
*giggles*
OMG!
VIAGRA
ROFL
:D
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Clearly there needs to be a sequel!! *wiggles eyebrows*
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ohmyguh I cant stop laughing