guess it's just that kind of day

[unamaga]

I have a massive headache and some dude at the food store tried to surreptitiously grope me while I was looking at the frozen dinners; I guess it's all I deserve for even thinking of eating that much sodium. Needless to say, I'm feeling kind of shitty! So what do I do but throw together a quick manip of John Sheppard without his shirt on titled "Foxy Gardener John Wants to Mow Your Lawn". Don't judge me.

Comments

[kashmir1.livejournal.com]

*rubs your temples*

*offers John some 'lemonade'*

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

And by lemonade, you mean steamy hot sex on a lawn chair?

[clear-as-blood.livejournal.com]

Well, shirtless John is therapeutic. Now all you need is Rodney offering him a glass of iced tea or something.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, and some really cheesy porn music! Thankfully, I have that on hand.

[aesc.livejournal.com]

Yay for shitty days! I mean, boo.

Also, I want to lick him all over. And I want to read the fic where he has that towel around his neck and Rodney watches helplessly while John pulls it off and rubs his face with it. Yeah.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

Nnnngh, yes, and it takes a few tries for the lawn mower to start up, so Rodney has to suffer through John's muscles stretching and bunching each time he yanks the pull cord back. *fans*

[tty63.livejournal.com]

Very nice gardener. I would ask to have him, but I suspect Rodney would not approve.

*hugs and sends anti-headache vibes*

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

Oh, definitely. Rodney is kind of a Johnhog.

*snuggles*

[geeklite.livejournal.com]

...and yet I am judging you ;)

(Makes me wish I had a lawn).

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

John can also trim hedges and tend to flower boxes.

[stealmyhorses.livejournal.com]

What is it with guys groping us at the grocery store!? That happened to me once while standing in the check out line, and some guy walked past and copped a feel.

Good thing lawnmower John is here to make up feel better. ;)

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

I have no idea, but I swear I almost punched him. He's just lucky I was carrying precious, precious chocolate.

Foxy John, haha. I think the "foxy" is an important part of lawnmower John's character.

[riverdresses.livejournal.com]

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I would've taken anyone else in the entire aisle saying something at all. That might've been nice. :|

:O You are a brave soul, my dear. Rodney's wrath is mighty.

[gaffsie.livejournal.com]

Based on gardener!John, I judge you to be a goddess.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

*glows*

[villainny.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to think of something sensible to say, but the NOMs keep getting in the way.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

*noms on youuuuu*

[unaccompanied-g.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the creep in the store. :(
and GUH. What I wouldn't give to find that in my backyard.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I know. I wouldn't even mind if the motor woke me up early on a Sunday morning if he were behind it. *siiiigh*

[not-sally.livejournal.com]

I do not judge you. I applaud and thank you. This beats studying by, like a billionty.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

\o/! Glad to be a help!

[bydaylight.livejournal.com]

*shares the oitment*

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

the ointment of ultimate justice? :o

[pennyplainknits.livejournal.com]

Hi John! Hi! Makes me want to get a lawn so he can come and mow it.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

He would be the most popular gardener ever.

[vida-boheme.livejournal.com]

Yaay \0/ to hot lawnboy!John and even hotter comments :D (Nghhh!)

I'd like to re-script your negative shopping experience thus:

[Interior: A busy supermarket shopping aisle.]

Unamaga (looking fine) is busily perusing the frozen goods. Sadly, her goods are being perused by the local Creepy Guy who decides to investigate further.

Unamaga: "Hey, buster, if I was loooking for cocktail wiener, I'd be in the next aisle over!"

[Creepy Guy just stares and hold his ground]

Unamaga: "Oh, right,I get it, you're the one in the wrong aisle...you're obviously looking for the cheap goods, sorry unless you're in the market for Punch, there's nothing for you here."

[Unamaga and creepy guy are suddenly startled by the sound of a goose running wild in the supermarket. Looking around, the discover it's actually the truly AWFUL laugh of a truly hot guy who's standing at the next freezer.]

[Hot Freezer Guy is running hand across improbably spiky hair and staring at Creepy Guy with a hard glint underlining the drawl of his voice]

Hot Freezer Guy: "Hey buddy, I think the lady made herself perfectly clear, you're in the wrong place and looking at the wrong goods. Probably better for everyone if you looked elsewhere. Now."

[Hot Freezer Guy stares at Creepy guy until Creepy Guy scuttles off]

Unamaga:[to Hot Freezer Guy] "Thanks for the back up there, I appreciate it."

Hot Freezer Guy: "Oh, you seemed to have it under control - nice lines, by the way - he just needed a little nudge to get moving.(smiling and offering his hand) I'm John Sheppard (they shake hands) and on behalf of man everywhere I'd like to say sorry. No, really! Don't laugh, I'm trying here..."

[he looks sheepishly at her. Sheepish and yet very, very hot.]

John "So, how about I buy you lunch to try and repair the male reputation, or would that make me a creepy guy, too?"

Unamaga: [smiling at his sheepish hotness] "That's very kind of you, and in the spirit of co-operation and respect between the sexes, the very least I can do is say yes."

John: "Cool. So, shall we..." [He gestures off shot]

[Unamaga nods and walks with John. They walk out of shot, talking. The words 'ferris wheel' are the only clear sound in the chatter and laughter]

[noises off]

One old lady to another: "Doris, did you hear that? Call the manager, I think there's an injured animal trapped somewhere in the supermarket!"

THE END.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

:OO omg i love you so much, omg i can't even use caps i love you so much. *flails arms wildly at you* and aaahahahahahah the last line! besssstest! <333333

[melagan.livejournal.com]

Well damn, that works for me.

This is how to do Feel Better Vibes *g*

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

*mind goes to the bad place* :D :D :D :D

[ladyflowdi.livejournal.com]

Holy hell, he can come over and do my lawn any time he likes. Afterward, I will calamine his mosquito bites lovingly. Meow.

I too have had random disgusting perverts try to grope me in the grocery store. What kind of men honestly think that it's okay to pinch a random woman's butt? Ugh.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

It wasn't even my butt! I might've been able to ignore that a little more, since, okay, the aisle was kind of tight or whatever. It was a full on hand-meets-boob moment. SIGH, MEN.

Ahahahahahhah, I have never encountered calamine lotion being used in a sexy manner before now. You've broadened my horizons!

[grammarwoman]

Your coping mechanisms are lovely and beneficial to us all -- sorry they were necessary.

*admires the view* Mrowr!

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

I like to spread my 'misery' around with a big spoon. :D :D :D

[aurora]

*pets you a lot and leers at manip!Joe*

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

*Snorfles*

[morgaine22.livejournal.com]

Pobrecita :(

John'll make EVERYTHING better. Nekkid John.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

What's a pobrecita, precious? :o

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

Okay, I am procrastinating because I have to mow my lawn, and how I wish THAT would show up at my door volunteering to do it for me! AWESOME.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

And, hey, if you're worried about his skin and offer to put lotion on his back, you're just being a concerned neighbor.

[chandri.livejournal.com]

Your stress management techniques are AWESEOME. ;)

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

\o/ I enjoy them, haha!

[darsynia.livejournal.com]

WELL HAI.

mmmm.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

HALLO. *leers*

[anyanka-eg.livejournal.com]

Gosh that's lovely. I need some garden work done, think I could borrow him for a while? Seriously, the wysteria needs trimming and I've got terrible weeds growing through my patio. Oh, and he'd make the garden look so very pretty.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

He's a perfect accessory for any yard you have in mind! And if you treat him very well, you can even get him to jerk off over your azaleas.

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

Ngh?

Also, I love your and aesc's little tale there. Encore!

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

*beams!* Why thank you! :>

[dogeared.livejournal.com]

Oh man--I'm so late the party, and I'm sure someone has already made the requisite comment about how clearly this is exactly the Joe who likes to pee in his garden, but. :D This is made of awesome!

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

*chokes on giggles* Um, no, I think you're the first to go in that particular direction with it.