this might be the place

There are about seven gnats in my room right now. They are increasingly making me want to tear my hair out.

Speaking of! My new chef for Breads Kitchen looks like Jewel Staite. I swear to god I walked into lab and nearly had a heart attack because OH MY GOD. They even have the same nose and mouth, the apple-round cheeks and long neck, and she's really thin and all legs and. Guys, you have no idea how WEIRD it is to be reprimanded by Jewel Staite for wearing a hair band around your wrist (which will inevitably lead to me putting my hand in a mixer, the mixer paddle getting caught on my hair tie and RIPPING MY ARM OFF - yes, she really did say this to me). Oh, oh, and that's the other thing: she's MEAN! She said we can't hum or whistle or sing or make jokes or do anything of the sort during class time, and if she sees or hears us being silly, we'll be docked points on our Professionalism grade.

ALSO SHE MADE US DO MATH FOR AN HOUR. D:

I don't know how I'm going to survive 28 days of a sour, fun-smooshing Jewel Staite look-alike. It's like I'm in a TIME WARP. Chocolate tastes bad, grass is purple, seagulls shit diamonds, and Jewel Staite hates happiness.

Today I:

- wound up with a half inch piece of steel wool embedded in my knuckle. I don't know how I managed it, but dear god, never ever do that to yourself. *cradles hand*
- read really terrible porn during break between classes. No one should use the word "organ" to refer to a penis, I'm sorry, especially when said penis is being "played expertly" by someone. I nearly got tossed out of the library for excessive sporfle-age.
- made grits and was forced to taste them at least three times to make sure they were cheesy enough. IT WAS LIKE LIVING A NIGHTMARE.
- got a package from my dad which contained Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, which I fully intend to try and coerce ladycat777 into watching with me before the hockey game tonight. Would be best end to today, seriously. My kitchen lab group spent half the session singing free credit report dot com commercial songs and Putting On The Ritz and then one of them got God Gave Rock And Roll To You stuck in my head.


Party on, dudes!
Oh, that actually reminds me! I've been watching Star Trek episodes and I'm almost up to the movies, though I still have a few episodes to go. Would anyone want to watch some of them with me? This is my first time! I feel very lost and slightly befuddled with adoration!

Now that I have time to actually sort of breathe: the first week of school was a success! And by success I mean I haven't sliced my fingers off yet. I still look pretty ridiculous in my uniform and I keep getting stared at on the bus, but that's not all that new, really, and actually having kids turn around in their seats or trip over their own feet trying to look at "the funny costumes, mommy, look!" is fairly amusing.

But, I don't know! Nothing really too exciting to report, since we haven't been allowed to do much more than make chopping motions yet. Oh! Although now I have a really vivid idea of how Rodney McKay would teach a Culinary Foundations class, since I swear one of the chefs secretly is him, going around and yelling at people to correct their stance or RISK LOSING THEIR LIMBS, HAVE YOU NEVER HELD A KNIFE BEFORE IN YOUR LIFE. I imagine John Sheppard would be his most insolent student and Rodney would daily tear his hair out over John's incorrectly tied neckerchief and scruffy cheeks and daredevil knife skills.



Strike a pose.
Other things of interest: 1) I get a kashmir1 today and hopefully she will be willing to cuddle me a little because my god it has been a long week; 2) I'm building myself a little garden in the backyard and it will hopefully grow things! which may or may not be green! I'm kind of excited, since I've never done a proper ground garden before; 3) I have no fannish shows to watch anymore! Supernatural is over, SGA is gone, Merlin hasn't started up yet, and Glee is just way too much contact embarrassment in one hour to watch more than once: what are you all watching?; 4) I have pennyplainknits' awesome merlin big bang and you don't, nyah, nyah.

I walked down to the post office this afternoon to mail off a few packages (and before you all yell at me, I had my inhaler, a bottle of water, and a cellphone - I was prepared!), since apparently no one was planning to drive me within the next decade and the cookies would spoil. It's windy out, but not too terrible, so I dawdled on the way back: I had the empty Whole Foods bag I'd used to carry the packages, I was grooving to some BOC on my iPod, and it seemed like a good idea to stop and pick up a bit of the litter on the sidewalk as I was passing by it. This isn't really out of character for me, but apparently no one ever told me that it is tragically dorkish.

A group of passing high school kids took it upon themselves to inform me of this.

I know - douches, in my town? Shock! But, what the hell? When did it become high-school-cool to rag on a random stranger for picking up litter? I'm not really offended. Partially because they were all kind of puny and wearing day-glo, but mostly because I'm just plain baffled.

Anyway, here's today's vocabulary lesson. Your homework is to somehow base a drabble around a word of your choosing. For my amusement. :)

apodyopsis sphallolalia callipygean lygerastia cheiloproclitic basorexia krukolibidinous capernoited

The act of mentally undressing someone Flirtatious talk that leads nowhere Having well-shaped buttocks The condition of one who is only amorous when the lights are out Being attracted to a person's lips An overwhelming desire to neck or kiss The act of staring at someone's crotch Slightly intoxicated or tipsy

I swear I'm not dead or anything. I've been poked by a few needles and sneezed through two boxes of tissues and become far too emotionally invested in our stock of Sudafed, but I'm otherwise okay. So let's play catch-up! How've you all been? What incredible romance and intrigue have I missed? I've been a terrible LJ friend and also incredibly bored (have you noticed that Spike only plays CSI marathons when you have other things to watch? I sense a deep evil in that station), feel free to babble at me. Also:

Drop me a comment, and I'll tell you the first thing that comes into my mind when I think of you, whether it makes sense or not.

Or, if you are afraid I will answer with NINJA MONKIES!!!, make some icon requests! :D

Wow, that meme didn't last long! Uh. My only excuse is the sudden frenzy of baking I've found myself caught up in. Cookies, brownies, blobs of sugar that should resemble something edible, more cookies - my kitchen is a scene from some sort of ancient baking war. The other night found me absolutely covered from chin to thigh in dough after dropping the bag of flour into the mixing bowl by accident. Woopsie! In that same vein, a lot of the cards I've sent out are probably going to get there late, sometime early next week-ish. I am a master procratinator, ask anyone.

Day Two: Wintuk

My mother, sister, and I went into the city to meet Mike (my mother's boyfriend) and his two kids for the first time. Somehow, my mom thought Wintuk would be a good ice breaker? I don't know what the thought process was, but whatever: I got to go to Cirque Du Soleil for free. The show was wonderful, if much smaller scale-wise than Allegria, and my mother spent most of it oscillating between amazement and terror, so that was fun.

I then bonded with Mike's youngest by reading Dr. Seuss to her in a crowded diner. I am indeed that awesome.

Day Three: ( Vegas cap - not spoilery )

I had a long, involved dream last night in which someone submitted good quality caps of Joe's high school graduation to face_of_joe. I don't know. This is my brain on stress. On that note, since it's December I now feel less foolish talking about this: I have 15 cards and 60 hand-made postcards to send out for holidays this year. A perfect distraction! Who wants one? :>

[Poll #1308043]

If you'd feel more comfortable emailing me, send it to mackenzie.phifer (AT) gmail.com; if you're on my flist and want to send me a card back (not required to receive a card, obvs), my address can be found here.

One: my back has finally stopped trying to remove itself from my body, and I can actually stand without pain! Amazing! \o/

Two: I'm gonna have a kashmir1 next weekend, and we were thinking of having a group lunch/dinner on either Friday or Saturday. Flisters from NYC who want to join in our food-related shenanigans, sound off! We haven't really discussed where we'd go yet or, you know, anything else about this venture, but we can figure all of that technical stuff out once we know how many people are planning on showing up and hugging us. (The hugging is required, you see.)

Three: bonus! If you show up and I still have not finished the story I'm currently attempting to work on, you can personally smack me.

It's not just me seeing that "which states have you visited" meme pop up on her flist and freaking out at all the red states, right? After a minute I calm down, but every single time my heart freezes up with fear and I think somewhere, somehow the Democrats have fucked it up all over again. I need to find my happy place, you guys, I can't take much more of this craziness.

Anyway, I know I've been sort of MIA lately - due to a number of events and unevents, some more pleasant than others - so here are a few things you should know:

1. eleveninches, I am still working on your beta. I am the slowest beta ever! I'm so sorry! But I haven't forgotten it if you were worried, and it should be done by the weekend.
   
   
2. Happyfest entries are due in five days! Fahgoijwfg, woot happy fic! I'll admit, I'm probably more excited about these stories than I am about Halloween candy. John/Rodney > chocolate, y/n? Justify.
   
   
3. Lims voting for this week has started! I have no idea how I managed to fumble my way this far in the competition, but there you have it.
   
   
4. Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday and sent me ecards and virtual gifts. You are all made of awesome, and I would like to extend my squishiest hugs to you for making an otherwise blah day much more bearable. I love you all, you know that?
   
   
5. On that note, a belated birthday rec: Coupling, by lamardeuse (NC-17). Warning: this fic contains lethal levels of amazing, no I'm serious. Lederhosen! *squeaky noise of glee* Go read it if you haven't already!
   
   
6. While in the city this weekend I bought a ZOMBIE MCCAIN SHIRT. Epic lulz. I've already been stopped three times for wearing it, it's that awesome. When I find my camera, I'll take a picture of me wearing it while making a zombie face, which, not gonna lie, will probably only be terrifying because of the fact that I bashed my nose with a cabinet door today and now it's kind of swollen. Can you dig it.
   
   
7. 
   
   John Sheppard is fierce.

When did it get so frelling cold out? Just last week it was t-shirt weather and right now I am in all seriousness contemplating fishing out my scarf and gloves. I'm already wearing a hat and my ears are still cold! My fingernails are turning a strange purplish color! This is unacceptable. Also I can't get these crackers open.

But in other, less pathetic news: SPN last night rocked my socks, homg! I don't think I've been so pleased with this show and these characters in a long time. So, naturally, I made icons. Twenty two in all, lots of Deanface. 



( When the bells ring twelve times in hell, the bells ring twelve times in this town as well. )

And now I am off to beta fic of yay while the end of S1 SGA downloads. melloniel? You and I have a date with the Sieges sometime this weekend. *points*