in which mel talks to people who aren't there

[unamaga]

Dear David Hewlett,

You just don't know when to quit, do you. kashmir1 and I? You killed us, David. You killed us with your big, pretty eyes, and your lush, full mouth, and your famously heart-shaped ass, and the curve of your fucking jaw when you're looking off into the distance. Not to mention that one time you had a beard and didn't warn us first; or when you looked at that girl in Pin like you were about to sear her clothes off with your gaze alone; or, okay, the high socks. We have no defenses against that, David, it's really not fair.

Oh, and then there was the time you made out with another dude and ruined us for all mankind. Yeah. Remember that, David? We do. And we still haven't recovered, you incredible bastard.

Fuck you very much,
Those Twitching Bodies Over There Next To The Sofa

-

Dear Track Star AU Boys,

I approve of all the kissing. And groping. And hickey-giving. Carry on.

Yours in snogs,
Mel

-

EDIT:
kashmir1: *hands you a paper bag*
unamaga: CURSE YOU DAVID HEWLETT I HAVE ASTHMA OKAY THIS IS NOT HEALTHY.
kashmir1: SERIOUSLY. GAH. I HAVE A HEART MURMUR. IT IS NOT OKAY TO MAKE IT FLIP IN MY CHEST LIKE THAT
unamaga: We should write in complaints to the scifi network.

"Dear Sir or Madam,

As great fans of your hit series, Stargate: Atlantis, we regret to inform you that one of your leads has decided that manslaughter fits his bill better than acting. David Hewlett, by dint of being extremely attractive, extremely awesome, and extremely humorous (we have not yet measured to see if these parts are equal, or if one takes precedent over the others, but we are confident in saying that all three play a large part in his "killer" charm), has unceasingly attempted to murder us where we sit each Friday night at ten o'clock. This may indeed be quite a lot to take in, but we believe that we have come up with a handsome solution that will fulfill everyone's needs:

1) MOAR RODNEY MAKING OUT WITH DUDES.
2) MOAR RODNEY TOUCHING JOHN SHEPPARD.

Hopefully you will be able to commit to these terms. The consequences should you choose to ignore this letter are quite dire, and we would not recommend that you gamble with the lives of your fans.

Thank you for your time and your (eventual) cooperation.

Sincerely,
The Fangirls"

kashmir1: P.S. if you could combine points 1 and 2, that'd be great. kthxbai.