in which mel talks to people who aren't there

[unamaga]

Dear David Hewlett,

You just don't know when to quit, do you. kashmir1 and I? You killed us, David. You killed us with your big, pretty eyes, and your lush, full mouth, and your famously heart-shaped ass, and the curve of your fucking jaw when you're looking off into the distance. Not to mention that one time you had a beard and didn't warn us first; or when you looked at that girl in Pin like you were about to sear her clothes off with your gaze alone; or, okay, the high socks. We have no defenses against that, David, it's really not fair.

Oh, and then there was the time you made out with another dude and ruined us for all mankind. Yeah. Remember that, David? We do. And we still haven't recovered, you incredible bastard.

Fuck you very much,
Those Twitching Bodies Over There Next To The Sofa

-

Dear Track Star AU Boys,

I approve of all the kissing. And groping. And hickey-giving. Carry on.

Yours in snogs,
Mel

-

EDIT:
kashmir1: *hands you a paper bag*
unamaga: CURSE YOU DAVID HEWLETT I HAVE ASTHMA OKAY THIS IS NOT HEALTHY.
kashmir1: SERIOUSLY. GAH. I HAVE A HEART MURMUR. IT IS NOT OKAY TO MAKE IT FLIP IN MY CHEST LIKE THAT
unamaga: We should write in complaints to the scifi network.

"Dear Sir or Madam,

As great fans of your hit series, Stargate: Atlantis, we regret to inform you that one of your leads has decided that manslaughter fits his bill better than acting. David Hewlett, by dint of being extremely attractive, extremely awesome, and extremely humorous (we have not yet measured to see if these parts are equal, or if one takes precedent over the others, but we are confident in saying that all three play a large part in his "killer" charm), has unceasingly attempted to murder us where we sit each Friday night at ten o'clock. This may indeed be quite a lot to take in, but we believe that we have come up with a handsome solution that will fulfill everyone's needs:

1) MOAR RODNEY MAKING OUT WITH DUDES.
2) MOAR RODNEY TOUCHING JOHN SHEPPARD.

Hopefully you will be able to commit to these terms. The consequences should you choose to ignore this letter are quite dire, and we would not recommend that you gamble with the lives of your fans.

Thank you for your time and your (eventual) cooperation.

Sincerely,
The Fangirls"

kashmir1: P.S. if you could combine points 1 and 2, that'd be great. kthxbai.

Comments

[annella.livejournal.com]

I AM WATCHING A DOG'S BREAKFAST AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

Just sayin'.

OMG when did he make out with another dude?? Apart from that time when he made out with Carson.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOOD LORD YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE CENTURY HOTEL CLIP? *EDUMACATES*

[annella.livejournal.com]

\o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/

WIN.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

SEE IF YOU CAN ACTUALLY STOP WATCHING IT. it's like an exercise in extreme will power. I FAIL AT IT, but there you go.

[annella.livejournal.com]

IT IS A SHAME YOUTUBE DOES NOT HAVE A 'REPEAT' OPTION. D:

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

I KNOW!!! You just have to keep pressing play. Over. And Over. And Over...

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

PS, you should listen to it with the sound up in your headphones. *shifty*

[backinblack.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD I JUST GOT INTO SGA THIS MADE ME SO GLEFULL OH MY GOD HE'S TOTALLY HALFWAY FEELING THAT OTHER GUY UP OOOHAHAHAHAHA *COMBUSTS*

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

YES YES YES! DUDE, THERE IS NAKED DAVID BUTT.

[liamar13.livejournal.com]

OMG no matter how many times i watch this it still never stops being hot because because, its david but also because omg did you hear the freaking noises?

there are hotsexydirty kissing noises! *flail*

[thisissirius.livejournal.com]

THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE TO STOP WATCHING, OKAY.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! :O

[eystri.livejournal.com]

but but but NOISES. LIPS. SUSPENDERS. *whimper*

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

PRETTY MUCH YES. *sympathetic petting*

[summertea.livejournal.com]

NO IT IS A BEAUTIFUL REAL MAKING OUT AND NOT GRABBING A SMASHING LIPS TO EACH OTHER.

[summertea.livejournal.com]

*woeful look* david and joe have ruined Real Life Men for me for pretty much forever.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

*pets sympathetically* i feel your pain, babe.

[kashmir1.livejournal.com]

dszfbnjjfkjklsd

I AM RUINED FOREVER. FOR. FUCKING. EVER.

I hope you're happy Mister Hewlett.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

HE PROBABLY IS. He's probably cackling to himself over his steepled fingers: "Ahah victory is at hand! Er, mouth! Er."

[kashmir1.livejournal.com]

UGH. PROBABLY. UTTER BASTARD!

*stares at him some more*

[handsomespeck.livejournal.com]

OH, GOD, HEWLETT. He should be slapped. But not hard. Nicely. For being so spectacular, and such a fabulous specimen of humanity.

also: you rock about as hard as he does. <3

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

BUT WHAT IF HE LIKES IT HARD, HUH, HUH?

I mean. Yes, he is quite fabulous. Hem.

<333

[trinity_clare]

Ugh, between this and the Sheppard promos for 4x05, I'm ruined. Nnnnnnnngh.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

OH GOD DOES HE GET HOTTER? I don't think I'll make it if he gets hotter.

[trinity_clare]

Well, considering S4 Sheppard is the hottest Sheppard ever, and Sheppard is the hottest Flanigan ever, this has GOT to be up there. It might even top Doppelganger. I dunno. It depends. *shifty eyes*

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

*GASP* TOP DOPPLEGANGER? I...cannot contemplate this for fear of spontaneous panty combustion.

REALLY?

[trinity_clare]

Weeeeeell, I have a confession to make. Evil!Sheppard didn't do that much for me. Here, feel my forehead, am I sick?

Now I'm trying to see if I can creatively crop the picture to get rid of spoilers. Nope, no dice. But I believe the operative word is smolder.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

*presses back of her hand to your forehead and cheeks* You don't seem to have a fever, but it's hard to tell. Maybe you should go see Keller. :O

SMOLDER? Oh god I am not going to survive. I forsee a messy, messy clean up.

[trinity_clare]

So...have you seen it yet? So we can talk about his smoldering?

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

THERE WAS CERTAINLY A LOT OF SMOLDERING. Christ on a crutch.

[trinity_clare]

I was working off the promo pictures, which were very smoldery indeed. But now, having seen the episode, I withdraw the statement that this beats Doppelganger. But, hmm, I might have to watch them again. For, you know, scientific purposes.

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

I think any episode would be hard pressed to be Doppleganger at this point. I mean, holy crap, dude. Holy. Crap.

[trinity_clare]

Agreed. *nods solemnly*

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHA your icon is so appropriate. *feels very much like mushu*

[liamar13.livejournal.com]

be still my beating heart! oh DAVID!!! but but where are all the newer pictures of david. you know the ones where he looks sexy even when cranky... where, where i ask you?! *shakes finger of dissapointment at you*

se what you missed!

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

Now!Hewlett is a different subject for a different post, methinks. You can't have both in the same or else the world will implode. Yes.

[liamar13.livejournal.com]

oh no! i committed the ultimate fan girl crime and underestimated the power of The Hew!

i take back the finger of dissapointedment and bows to your superior fangirlyness!

p.s. you are going to contemplate now!hewlett right? right?

i mite just explode with the anticipation.

see david, this is what you do! you kill innocent fangirls with you sheer hotness. be ASHAMED!

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

EXACTLY. This is why the letter was written. He is dangerous. :O

And, yeah! Kashmir and I are planning a Hewlett Hoopla some time in the near future! There will be much hewl-preciation.

[liamar13.livejournal.com]

Hewlett Hoopla FTW \o/

oh oh and fandom has a new word:

hew-preciation: 1) to measure all things by the hewlett awesomeness scale.

y/y?

[pushingyouaway.livejournal.com]

HE IS SO FREAKIN' AMAZING!

I WANT ONE! IN EVERY COLOR!

*cookies*

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

ESPECIALLY BABY BLUE. Yes. Hm.

[aurora]

HOLY SHIT!!

ps: I would totally sign that letter. MOAR GUYS MAKING OUT!

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

\o/ FANGIRLS BAND TOGETHER!!

[verav.livejournal.com]

OMG! I can't handle this much hotness so early in the morning *falls off chair*
I've started to stare way too much at David's mouth when I'm watching SGA and this post is certainly not helping me in my obsession. *looks at pictures again for "research" purposes*

And I agree 100% with points 1 & 2 in your third letter!

(btw, do you mind if I friend you?)

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

If you are looking to me to talk you out of your David!mouth obsession, you will be sadly disappointed. Because, yeah. I fell off the wagon a while back and I haven't attended a DOA (David Ooglers Anonymous) meeting in a while. Wooops!

(friend away! *beams*

[verav.livejournal.com]

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to settle for you enabling me. Put in perspective David!mouth obsession isn't really such a bad thing (yeah I like justifying my obsessions, it allows you to do anything you want ;p)

*friends you*

[inkscribe.livejournal.com]

*giggles self to death*

Oh, lovely. *giggles more*

[unamaga.livejournal.com]

Heheh! <333

[annon-of-rhi.livejournal.com]

OMG, this is fantastic! David is so very, very, very hot, I just - GAH. I cannot think! And I had never seen the Century Hotel clip before! *dies* Hot like WOAH.

Is it really awful that I want this to be actually sent to TPTB? I would so sign!

I applaud your efforts tremendously!

P.S: I linked to it in my LJ, I hope that's alright.